Wrapping up my Month of Thanks, here is my letter for October 31st.
To Scott Huchton,
Life does not always give you what you want.
When life gave me you, it gave me what I need.
Because, truly, you are my balance. You are my other half. Times when you’re gone, it’s always very, very clear to me what my shortcomings are.
Where I am undisciplined and shun routine, you mark my days with points of time where I must plan.
Where I am guarded and standoffish, you are open, challenging me to tell you the things in my head, the secrets I keep close to my heart to avoid the hurt.
Where I am chaos, you are organization.
Where I am filled with grand ideas, you are the one who makes them happen.
We are not always in perfect balance. Often our differences are a point of contention. It’s a challenge for us to see past our own noses sometimes, not only to hear the thoughts of one another, but to really listen to them. More than one friend has asked us with incredulous eyes how the two of us are married because we are so different, and I always smile and shake my head. Because they don’t know.
You are the other half to my puzzle. Between the two of us, I’m convinced there’s nothing we can’t do.
You are my biggest fan. It wasn’t always this way, true, but even though it took you time to come around, once you did you threw yourself into the role the same way you do every other task before you. You give 200% of yourself to everything you do. Your energy and dedication to my happiness the past few years leaves me breathless, speechless, and I really don’t know that I could ever find words for everything you are to me.
It is only because of your dedication to me that I am able to do what I’m doing now. Your sacrifices are what drive me to be better, do better, because success with my endeavors is the best way I can think of to repay you for what you’ve given up for me and our family. I’ve got red in my ledger, and I don’t know that a million books or a million words of thanks can ever wipe that out. Every day, the burden of responsibility rests on your shoulders. Without you, my life wouldn’t work. I can’t function in life without you there to hold my hand through the entire process.
I would be lost without you. Truly and completely.
You are my balance. Without you, everything falls apart.
I talk about independence, about standing on my own. It is not only for myself that I want this. I want to be independent, to stand on my own, not so that I don’t have to need others, but so I can be strong for them the way they have been for me.
But I’ve come to realize something in that. No matter how strong I am, I am nothing without the supports that build me up, that keep me strong. Everyone needs a solid foundation, a rock upon which to stand.
You are mine.
On your shoulders, I can reach to the stars and never doubt that I could touch them. I know this, because I know you. If there is a way, if anyone could make that happen, that person is you.
Without you here, my days are scattered, rushing by in unmarked hours and weeks until you are home. They flow past me like white water rapids, and often I feel like it’s all I can do just to stay afloat while my paddle, my guidance, has drifted downstream. Until I have you again, I must force myself to keep my head above water because I refuse to let you down.
Some days are easier than others.
You have made me stretch myself and my ideas of who I think I am. You make me a better mother, a better wife, a better friend, a better partner. I am not infallible, not even close, and I know I drive you batty sometimes, but in that we are equal as well. Still, I am trying, and I am most grateful to you for giving me a reason for that.
I want to be better for you, because you deserve that. Because you give up so much for me, for our family, it is the least I can do to repay the love and devotion you’ve shown me.
There is no greater gift you can give another person than giving all of yourself.
And there is no way to repay it but to give that in return.